Eating Out Of The Trash, Not A Good Look...

Last night I had this girl come thru to cook me dinner & have drinks. While she's cooking, I decide to have a little taste of whiskey to pass the time. I figured it would give her an incentive to "catch up" and hit the bottle heavy but the shit backfired cuz by the time shes done, I'm drunk. Ol girl brings me my plate which I ran thru like Michael Jackson at chuck E cheese & proceeded to grab 2 more tacos b4 they were all gone. She had about a half a cup of a drink I made her b4 we slid off into my room for get it crackin time. The whole time, I'm thinking about those 1 & a half tacos that I left on the counter (murdered half of one b4 sliding off) & as soon as I achieved my sexy time explosion, I dipped off to the kitchen to finish the rest of the tacos. When I walked in, I didn't see my plate so I'm searching like a madman. Fridge, nope. Microwave, old chili. Stove? Fuck! Where is my plate??? My cousin had just left right b4 I dipped off to the room so I go grab my phone & call him and ask him if he saw the plate (or ate my tacos which woulda let to some smoke in the city >:-x I was on one, them tacos were the truth.) & son hits me with some murderous news, he threw the tacos in the trash. At that moment, I felt like I had taken a rusty butter knife to the kidneys & proceeded to look for any leftovers. NONE! WHY? I'm freakin drunk & have been thinking about these tacos for the last hour (that's all me playa, no viagra needed) & now they're gone??? Now I've been in the kitchen for about 15 minutes, totally forgetting about ol girl in my room trying to come up with some solution. During my despair, I'm struck with curiosity. I look into the trash can & the tacos are somewhat disheveled, but mostly sitting on a pennysaver which I threw away right b4 ol girl rolled thru. After closer inspection, I see there is other stuff in the trash & the tacos do have chocolate rice krispies & toaster shavings (??? I have no idea) mixed in somehow, but they are giving off a delicious aura from inside the trash can. I'm thinking ewww they're in the trash but my drunken logic takes over, if I put hot sauce on em, I can kill all the germs & drown out the taste of the the toaster shavings x coco crispy collab. I grab my trusty bottle of Tapatio & proceed to douse them while still in the trash can before taking a massive bite of the most delicious thing I have ever eaten. Unbeknownst to me, the girl who I hadn't seen in the last 30-40 minutes had been watching me since the moment I grabbed the hot sauce. & blurted out "did you just eat out of the refuse bin?!?" (She's Australian.) Her tiny, accented voice filled with shock & disgust & I turn around with my mouth full of taco, toaster shavings & coco krispies & mumble out something about dropping my contact in the trash but having the taco in my hand as I was looking. She then asks why I was pouring hot sauce in the can which stumped me for a split second, but then proceeded to come up with the must off the wall/genius answer ever. I said with a straight face, "If I pour hot sauce into the trash can, it will go into my contact like a bowl & will help me find it immediately." I don't know how, but this answer worked! She said that was smart of me & went back in my room to chill. Now I'm sitting here like WTF just happened??? I just ate out of the trash & got caught by a girl I just had sex with only to have the dumbest excuse in history get me off? I gotta be one cold mutha fucks which got me hype right b4 I went back in the room for round two.

Cold thing is, she gave me a kiss (tongue down, owww)on the way out. One cold mutha fucka...